Reflective listening

Have you ever got the feeling that the person you've been talking to is not listening to you? That when all you need is a listening ear, they want to give you solutions?

I used to be the kind of person who doesn't really seem to listen, until i stepped into social work and things have not been quite the same since. For one, i'm doing lots more paraphrasing, summarizing, reflection of feelings and also asking good questions (open and closed, depending...). But i also realise that is when i share less, about what's going on in my life.

ok, of course i find it easier to share with my colleagues and other counselling-trained people coz they know all the different techniques and it never felt strange to be hearing all the skills, unless of course they were intentionally trying to be cheeky.

I had a quarrel with M last night over this. He asked me about what God had taught me that day and i was sharing that i felt like i was going to be a terrible parent and felt horrible... but him, being him, decided that i needed to be told what to do. So he started to want to tell me what i should do and by then, i was thoroughly upset.

I felt like i wasn't heard at all! yes, he did listen, or else he would never have been able to prescribe a solution for me... but.... it's like i wasn't even asking for it! i didn't need SOLUTIONS, i needed someone to just LISTEN! is that so hard?

There was a time when M said that i hardly ever shared what was going on in my life. I very much wanted to tear out my hair in frustration... It's not like i didn't WANT to share... it was just that i felt so put off to even want to share! So i end up talking more to my colleagues than any other person... sigh... i would like to share with my closest half what's going on in my life, but it's just frustrating to talk to someone who is trying to tell me what to do!

ok, i wun say that i'm the best at listening. I'm not. There are times when i lapse into solving other people's problems, especially those close to me. And when people tell me to stop talking and just listen, i do. I just dun understand why M cannot just listen first, then tell me later... or to even let me come to my own conclusions and solutions. Let me learn! i'm not a child who needs an adult to tell me what to do all the time; what i need is a friend who is on the same level to be able to hug me and just listen to what i am saying.

ok... this is not meant to humiliate him... i do love M and want to be with him, to share about things that's on my heart and mind. All i want is to ventilate a little, and just be heard...

is that alright?