I got it...

Yep, and there was more.

I said I have forgiven her... but have I?

I wonder...

Feelings, nothing more than feelings

I'm discovering more and more about myself these few days. I never knew I had such a lot of pain and anguish inside me, never knew that I felt so lonely actually, the feeling that nobody really loves me was so deeply ingrained in me that it just came out, and made me always so angry... Life is never fair isn't it? But I guess if I didn't feel safe, I would never had let myself go till I think the nerighbours must have been really worried... It's a good thing it wasn't the 7th month or they might think ghosts are howling. heh. Oh well, at least that part of me is dealt with. There might be more to come though... I'm counting on it. =)

Baby blues

Just went to see my godson today.... He looks so adorable!! When asleep that is... Heh... I don't seem to have much luck when it comes to visiting him coz i always seem to drop by when he's sleeping. Oh well...

But recently, I have been seeing many babies/infants/toddlers. My cousin was showing me her daughter's pictures on her mobile phone, my godson was born, having to take care of my colleague's client's toddler... and also playing with another colleague's client's son. (Ok, the last one is already going to primary school...) Somehow, I think my maternal instincts are kicking in... It does not help that I borrowed a book which had a part about this character giving birth. And after the birth of my godson, watching this documentary on the baby inside the womb... Man, I think I'm having an overdose!

Someone commented that I'm good with kids. Hmmm... I don't know, but I do know that I can't jolly well scream at other people's kids right? It's like, it takes extra effort for me to 忍 what these kids do. And I really understand why my mum screamed at me so much when I was young...

Well, I hope I can bring up my child properly so he does not become dysfunctional...

Me against my image

I think my job is having a bigger impact on my life than I'll ever imagine...

I've been getting feedback that I'm not sharing very much of my life. Even M is feeling a little curious as to why my answers to his question of: " How was your day?" just gets a "Ok" or "Ok, but busy." answer. I don't know really why I'm not sharing...

Ok, maybe I do... Some things have been happening in my personal life and somehow, I just find that I'm not comfortable talking about them coz they're quite personal and at times painful to talk about to people. It doesn't help that I've been very emotional lately and that makes me feel really vulnerable.

People who don't know me well always think that I'm a big blabbermouth and would just talk about everything in my life if I had an opportunity to do so. But I think those who do know me are finding it to be the opposite... Sometimes I do share extensively, and I think that's coz of my personality. I need to talk it out, let off steam, vent my frustration. Sometimes, that person could be M, but more often than not it's my colleagues who get the receiving end of my sharings nowadays.

Well, for one thing, they're there! For the better part of my day, they are around me and being in my profession helps when you wanna have someone who will not tell me WHAT to do at the first 5 minutes of my sharing or to give me a reassuring line that things will be fine 20 minutes into my rants. They empathise with me, make me feel like my emotional crappiness is normal and don't shove advice down my throat.

It's like, I feel... safe. Yeah, safety is the word.... I've been finding out more and more about myself and getting genuinely surprised at myself. There is so much more to me! And knowing that safety is at the top of my priority of who to share my feelings and thoughts with is kind of weird since I didn't used to think that's important with other people's issues. And that also made me handle the information that others share with me more carefully since I don't want to hurt them.

Sigh... So many insights and not knowing what to do with them is quite a headache... I think I shall continue this the next time I feel like it. Hee...

Another piece of useless info... But it's a nice quiz!

Elmo You scored 52% Organization, 65% abstract, and 76% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables. First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean. Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type. Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself. You are mostly organized, more abstract, and more extroverted. Most people either love or hate Elmo. I hope you love Elmo, because that's who you are. You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Elmo has the same basic approach. His place is pretty tidy, but he doesn't spend all of his time cleaning it up. You both are abstract thinkers. You definitely are not afraid to take chances in life. You only live once. You may notice others around you playing it safe, but you are more concerned with not compromising your desires, and getting everything you can out of life. This is a very romantic approach to life, but hopefully you are also grounded enough to get by. Elmo's whole life is based on fantasy and his imagination. In the beginning he was a regular character, but now he spends most of his time in this fantasy world. You are both extroverts. Elmo likes to talk talk talk. He'll talk with people, goldfish, tables, whatever. Without interaction with others he gets very sad. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don't have problems meeting new people... in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team. The other possible characters are Oscar the Grouch Big Bird Cookie Monster Ernie Snuffleupagus Kermit the Frog Grover The Count Guy Smiley Bert If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also if you want to tell me your favorite Sesame Street character, I can total them up and post them here. Perhaps your choice will win!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 41% on Organization You scored higher than 82% on concrete-abstra You scored higher than 84% on intro-extrovert

Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Hooked on it...

Description:
Monster Pets allows players to groom not just one, but up to four monsters for fast-paced, heart-racing, tag team battles in this simulation cum turn-based action hybrid. Feed them and watch them grow as well as develop into fighting machines with special skills and abilities.

The title says it all