Me against my image

I think my job is having a bigger impact on my life than I'll ever imagine...

I've been getting feedback that I'm not sharing very much of my life. Even M is feeling a little curious as to why my answers to his question of: " How was your day?" just gets a "Ok" or "Ok, but busy." answer. I don't know really why I'm not sharing...

Ok, maybe I do... Some things have been happening in my personal life and somehow, I just find that I'm not comfortable talking about them coz they're quite personal and at times painful to talk about to people. It doesn't help that I've been very emotional lately and that makes me feel really vulnerable.

People who don't know me well always think that I'm a big blabbermouth and would just talk about everything in my life if I had an opportunity to do so. But I think those who do know me are finding it to be the opposite... Sometimes I do share extensively, and I think that's coz of my personality. I need to talk it out, let off steam, vent my frustration. Sometimes, that person could be M, but more often than not it's my colleagues who get the receiving end of my sharings nowadays.

Well, for one thing, they're there! For the better part of my day, they are around me and being in my profession helps when you wanna have someone who will not tell me WHAT to do at the first 5 minutes of my sharing or to give me a reassuring line that things will be fine 20 minutes into my rants. They empathise with me, make me feel like my emotional crappiness is normal and don't shove advice down my throat.

It's like, I feel... safe. Yeah, safety is the word.... I've been finding out more and more about myself and getting genuinely surprised at myself. There is so much more to me! And knowing that safety is at the top of my priority of who to share my feelings and thoughts with is kind of weird since I didn't used to think that's important with other people's issues. And that also made me handle the information that others share with me more carefully since I don't want to hurt them.

Sigh... So many insights and not knowing what to do with them is quite a headache... I think I shall continue this the next time I feel like it. Hee...