I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not the meditating kids!! @#%$^#$@^@*

The sofa! The bed!!

Home... Painted!

The study... Should we just convert this into a living area? Hmmm....

One of the rooms. They are all in this shade of yellow... I like!

My favorite part of the house... The living room with a full length window... A daybed and shelves of books with a mini compo would be best...

via MSN

Me says: what happened to J?
X says: why>?
X says: i dun know le
X says: what about?
Me says: his msn nick write something abt him in icu, no voice....
Me says: you din see his msn nick?
X says: i dun know le
X says: dun know what he mean
Me says: Heh…
Me says: ok...
Me says: but he's not sick physically or anything la
X says: no la
X says: he now stress over his c programming assignment.. haha
X says: keep making noise at me for not helping him
X says: which i can't cuz i don't know how to..
Me says: hahahahahahahahahha.....
X says: did the basics but can't remember already
Me says: mayb that's the icu he meant....
X says: i psychology trainned not c pro
X says: yeah maybe that's his icu
Me says: hahahahahahahahaahahaha,,,,,
Me says: he very farnie la...
.....
X says: oh the person in icu is his wife... the computer
Me says: oh
Me says: you managed to ask him la.....
X says: the computer dumped him
X says: and had an accident
Me says: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....
X says: so now refused to work
Me says: so farnie!!!
X says: so he very depressed..
Me says: life sux....
Me says: hahahahahahah
X says: think a divorced is on the way
X says: he might be remarrying if not fix which means his dad had to spent money get him one more wife
Me says: well, as long as his parents can pay the dowry for the next wife, i'm sure it'll be alright...
Me says: hahahahahaha
X says: totally disgusting le
X says: dun know how he use the wife one
X says: everytime break down.. once in 6 mths
Me says: well, must be quite vigorously....
Me says: hahahahahahahahahhaha
X says: hahahaahaha!!!!!!
Me says: dunno what to say....
X says: even mine after 5 year still working fine.. though i brought it for makeover
Me says: laff or to cry....
Me says: oh well...
X says: damn sad right
X says: he
Me says: it's a matter of how siong he uses it lor...
Me says: y0ou dun use for LAN games what....
X says: yeah la..i dun let my "wife" get connected to other people ok...
X says: so won't get disease mah
X says: haahah this is dumb
Me says: yes...
Me says: i get what you mean...
Me says: it's hilarious la i tell you...
Me says: i should post this on my blog....
X says: haha the whole conversation? haha!
Me says: ya!!!

What to buy, what to buy...

A whole new world!

We have our new home now! We collected the keys to our new flat on the 3rd of January and we can't wait to move in!

I can't say it's been very smooth. M and I have been squabbling over the most minute details, like what colour to paint the wall, which item of the furniture we should buy first, whether to do window grilles or not, etc... Sometimes I get frustrated coz he only listens to part of what I tell him and he asks me the question that I have already given the answer to... Sigh... I think God is wanting me to live up to the name I adopted now... Patience, my dear... I thank God that M's so patient and slow to anger with me... Or else, we might not just be squabbling but killing each other... Thank you, darling...

My dad was also angry coz he thinks that I value Jesus Christ higher than him... It's been tense around at home and I try to minimise the contact I have with him daily... It's no joke to be around someone who does not want to see you... I catch myself running down the list of people I might want to walk with me down the aisle on my wedding day constantly, but God tells me that I need to honor my parents. So what can I do? Stuck... Sigh... Must pray....

Faith that is tested is stronger than that which is not... I must persevere!

Anyway, some photos to share my joy!

Too much money?!

You know that the housing authority in Singapore is too rich when you receive a letter from them containing 2 lines in the main body text.

Sick.

Damned both ways...

Damned if I say anything, damned if I don't.

Damn! I wish life was easier...

Unequally yoked?

I was at a friend's church wedding today and the couple really looked great! He looked as if he was brimming over with happiness and she was too. It brought to my mind this conversation I had with M. He was talking about some colleagues who were talking about how good their boyfriends were. They were christians but their boyfriends were not. While M was wowed by all the descriptions they were giving about their other halves, there was also a part of him which felt a little strange. He was thinking that all these actions don't really define a person and that why did they have to try so hard to justify their actions?

He was also saying that they had told him that they could not find good christian males that they could be attracted to. And I wondered: is it true that all single christian males are so unattractive or what? I looked around at all of the guys who fitted the above description today and perhaps I'm looking at them through tinted glasses (they are all my friends... heh... how else would I know their status right?), but they all appear alright to me! I mean, they're nice and thoughtful people... so what happened???

Maybe they just didn't meet, or maybe we, like everyone else, have placed fellow christians on the pedestal. So perhaps when they do anything that falls short of perfection, we point the finger at them (either consciously or unconsciously) or think they are less worthy.

I don't know, this is just random ramblings... what do you think??

I am She-Ra!!

I've been given the comment that I'm too effective. I'm too quick to do/think things that I tend to mother people.

Seriously, I have no idea that I was doing so. I only think that since I can do it, I should help out. But I guess that makes people around me feel redundant...

I guess I need to slow down and wait for others to do things. But I don't want to be a doormat too! What can I do?

The same person also commented that I tend to justify myself and my actions so much that it seems like I'm wanting to win the argument. I thought about it and I guess it would be really irritating if I were in the other person's shoes.

However, I also wonder... I am sharing things from my own perspective. It's not implausible that I would think what I'm doing is right. So is it me now justifying myself or is it actually the other person refusing to validate my experience? I actually feel quite sad now... I share what I'm feeling and thinking, only to have the other person throw it at me and say that I win already.

Sigh... Guess I'm not She-Ra after all... Can anyone help me?? How can I be a better builder/supporter of people around me?

Brrr...

My last post seems to have caused many people to feel a seriously freezing breeze of air surround them.

Well, I already said that it was for M only what... *winkz*

For M only

Dear darling,

I know you're on reservist outfield and won't be able to communicate with me. So I guess I'll use this blog to talk to you. Hee... I realised that I've been so used to talking to you everyday and filling you in on things going on in my life that when you're not around, I'm actually not used to it.

Ok, I admit. Maybe I don't tell you everything everyday. But I guess I'm used to the idea that you will always be there if I want to tell you anything. Unless you're busy with work or DOTA that is...

Hmmm... What did I want to tell you today? I wanted to say that it's very quiet at work. Many people were not in today, either due to MC or leave. Very boring. Amanda, my new colleague, was very nice and had dinner with me even though she had wanted to jog home initially. Also, you're on worship for this Sunday, so you're having practice this Saturday. And I really missed you. The world spun around for the entire day until I had biscuits and Ovaltine. Then, it just slowly rotated. The world finally stopped after I went to Sakae Sushi for dinner. Hee... Don't scold me la... I know you would probably be shaking your head by now. It was the only thing that I could think of which would not make my tummy queasy... You know I only eat the cooked food. I had tamago sushi, chawan mushi, cha soba and fried tofu only. Don't angry k?

Miss you...

When will you call me?

Wish you could read my mind sometimes.

You probably think I'm silly by now. I'm your silly girl. =P

I keep replaying the conversation I had with you yesterday about whether to bring the handphone with you when you go for your outfield. I wondered if I should have said not to bring it when you asked. I don't want to disturb you but here I am doing so.

Sigh...

Oh ya, we didn't get the Bukit Merah flat. I asked your sister to help me look for the reference number from the letter, which was probably on your table. Oh well... Wanted to ask if you want to apple for the Geylang Serai flats, but guess we'll look out for resale ba... That's what we said right?

I don't know why I'm posting this here. But I think this blog is becoming more and more like a place where I go to whenever I can't talk to you, whether be it coz we're fighting or you're not around. So maybe until the day you become the worm in my tummy, this blog will continue to exist.

When are you going to call me, or will you do so at all?

Beats me. But I wish you would.

You take care ok? Must miss me hor.

Love you. Kiss! Miss you...

Fenfen

Unwell

I've never been so sick before.

It all started on Wednesday. Don't know if I had been sick when I woke up but I know I was so by the afternoon. I thought I was hungry with my queasy tummy but that was so wrong.

The lunch at Long John Silver was my last for many days.

I was miserable. I felt like I wanted to die. Clutching my tummy the whole time. I thought it could be God punishing me, but no! He's too good to do that.

I struggled with breaths. Laboured breathing, now I know.

The world spun. Round and round and round it went.

Hungry, yet I couldn't stomach anything.

Thoughts of hospitals came a few times.

I realised that I am miserable when I am sick. No control, no power, no strength. I cried many times this period.

My body betrayed.

I don't want to be a pill popping machine!!!

I got to sleep now.

Another encounter with my mother...

Mum: Can you help me get some clean newspapers?
Me: Ok. *Gets the newspapers*
Mum: I think the fridge is a bit close to the cupboard... (Context: She was cleaning it, she was on the ladder putting cloth on top of it at this point.)
Me: *Tries to push it to the other side*
Mum: Aiya!!
Me: *Sees that it's a little lopsided and tries to align it, however, one side got stuck at the gap between the raised platform it was on and the kitchen sliding door.*
Mum: *shouts* You stupid girl! Why did you go and push it?
Me: *raises my voice* I was trying to help!
Mum: I didn't ask you to help! I'm trying to put the cloth on top and you go and do this!
Me: Fine! You didn't have to shout!

Fume!!!!!!!! I think I shouldn't stay at home too often. Such sparks occur once too often..

I can be alone... I think...

I just went shopping by myself today with my iPod and my bag... Managed to buy a $9.90 pair of PINK shoes from novo! Heh...

I also managed to resist temptations today.... So many nice clothes on sale!!! I'm proud of myself! hee....

Boy am I sensitive today!

Mum: Who took out the cotton in the box?
Me: I don't know. *busy reading sms from M*
Mum: The cotton was left on the table. It's dirty already.
Me: I said it wasn't me!
Mum: I didn't say it was you!
Me: No, but you raised your voice! You didn't have to do that!
Mum: *silence, continue to clean the table with an irritated look*
Me:

Sigh.

Who am I (Part Infinity)

I am someone who lives with a lot of self-blame.

I am someone who has grown up with a lot of blame from others.

I am someone who had loads of internal rules and regulations.
*Do this! Don't do that! You should be like this! You shouldn't be like that!*

I am someone who grew up with a lot of rules and regulations simply because I was never taught how to deal with the emotions that come when things happen.

I am a whole composite of things that go wrong and right in my growing up years.

Sigh.

Hazy daze...

Not just literally, but have there been days where you know you have loads of things to do but your brain is just filled with haze and you stare at the computer in a daze?

Sigh...

Holiday!

I'm flying to Melbourne next Tuesday!!! So cool!!!! But not going with M so that's one regret I have. But I know if I don't go now, I would regret it more!

I was just thinking about what I'd think about the most when I'm there. Would I think of my clients? *shudder* Would I think of M? *sigh* Or would I just be so excited that I fill my days with things to do and just not think? *thoughtful*

It is after all the first time I've exploring a country outside Asia. I think I'm quite a mountain tortoise. Heh... I think it's bound to be an eye opener!

Recently found that I'm keeping more and more of people's problems. I find that I'm starting to become less responsible, for my action, the words I say, and the thoughts I think. I find that I'm super stressed. I find that keeping things to myself is not good for my mental and physical health. I find that reflecting about what's going on actually helps me make sense of things that are happening around me. I find that my sixth sense is picking up things that I think is quite ridiculous. I find that rambling about my findings helps me organise my internal information.

I think having a break at this point is good. I can be far away and not have to worry about my work, which is kind of driving me crazy since I have a lot to do but at this point I don't feel like doing. Too many things are happening at the same time. Need to get away.... *gasp* Feel like I'm suffocating...

Need the wide wide fields of bigger countries, to escape, recharge and rethink about my boundaries; How much can I take?

I think I'm starting to get pessimistic.

Under Eilonwy's suggestion...

Which internet subculture do I belong to? [CLICK] You are a FURRY! You are a sick, sick, individual. Stop lusting over animals! Take off that fursuit and quit yiffing. No-one likes furry art! STOP NOW! More Quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

I'm a furry?!

Update

Busy and running out of ideas to blog.

'Nuf said.