What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I'm not crazy ok? I'm just overwhelmed...

Saw 2 clients today. Both were talking in great detail but not necessarily in linear sequence either... There were times when they repeated themselves and i dun think it was because i did not paraphrase them enough to let them know i got what they were saying. In the end, i had to become very structured and let them know which direction to go.

I think this is something that happens to most people. When we are overwhelmed, we tend to talk in circles, constantly rehashing the same content over and over again. I can talk about 1 particular topic for hours on end, sometimes repeating the same content over and over again. Ask M , he'll know...

I met a secondary school friend today and she didn't seem to recognise me even though we had met abt 3 weeks ago. (it could be due to my contact lenses but i dunno... ;-)) So anyway, i called her name and we started talking. Found out she was working in a bank and as i just had a very bad experience with a particular bank, i started complaining to her.

Basically, i had took on a computer loan on behalf of a friend when i was still studying in uni. So when i graduated, this particular bank, D**, sent me a letter to repay for the loan. As usual, i told my friend then promptly forgot about it soon after. 1 year later, i got another letter asking me to repay the loan, this time with more amount to repay as i had accumulated a year worth of interest. So, this time, i contacted my friend again and we tried to settle the issue. However, there were loads of problems and waiting (coz i forgot...Heh.) and it dragged on for months.

Early last week, i started getting many missed calls and as there wasn't any number left, i couldn't return the call. The worst part is, the "ringing" of my phone never lasted beyond 5 rings so couldn't really pick up in time anyway... When i was finally quick enough to pick up the phone, the person on the other side identified herself as calling from D** and asked me when i wanted to settle the loan. I let her know the situation and that i couldn't confirm it now as i had to ask my friend how much he was willing to pay. Then she told me that i had to do it quickly or else D** might not approve the monthly instalment plan. I was super upset lor... It sounded like she was threatening me. So i told her that i can't help it as things are not really within my control and if D** can't approve my repayment plan, then i also cannot help it. Then, she said she'd take note of this.

I, then, called my friend and we arranged to meet on Saturday to settle this issue.

I received more missed calls in the following few days... Then i got super pissed off when the person from D** called my house on Friday and told my mother about the loan and all. My mum doesn't know about this coz i know she's really against things like these. The staff then left a number and my mum called me, semi-upset about this whole issue. So i called back, let her know that i was going down to D** to settle this on Saturday. However, she still insisted on knowing how much i was going to pay. I told her once again that this was dependent on my friend and she had the cheek to tell me to call my friend, ask him, and then call her back to let her know. Now, my friend is a super busy person. i don't want to trouble him. SO WHAT THE F**K IS SHE TRYING TO DO????????? TMD... So i told her off and said that since i'm going down to the bank TOMORROW, i will settle it TOMORROW! She then told me that she'd leave a note for her colleague.

So you thought end of matter right? NOOOOOOOOOO......

I went to D** and then tried to settle the repayment thingy. The lady at the counter then told me that i have to use MY bank account to deduct the money from. I was puzzled... I had checked with the person when i put in the application for the computer loan if my guarantor could use his account to repay the loan. Answer was affirmative. A few months ago, i checked it out once again with another branch. They said ok and even told me how to fill up the form for this. AND NOW AT THIS STUPID BRANCH THEY TELL ME CANNOT?!?! F**K!!

She then directed me to her manager who also nicely told me that the bank policy says cannot. So all those other officers who told me otherwise are idiots?? The worst part is, she asked me why i did not settle the repayment plan at the other bank then. Of course i would if i could la!!! i explained to her the reason and then vented part of my frustration at her (still using very nice words...) and said i would like to lodge a complaint then.

Her stand then changed.

She said she would help me to check if they could make it an exception and went into the office to check. She came back shortly with a TYPED letter of authorisation of 3rd party repayment scheme or something to that effect and said they would make it an exception. F**K!

Firstly, the letter was TYPED. It tells me that the bank has had such a policy, jus that she didn't know.
Secondly, I had checked with another branch. How come they could tell me the procedure for doing something like this if there wasn't such a policy in the first place?
Thirdly, her stand changed only when i said i wanted to complain. Wah.. so that means if i dun complain then i get such crap la?

So anyway, i gave her some face la... pretended to be relieved and all (which i actually was, to a certain extent) and she proceded to help me get a queue number so that another staff could help me process this and my friend also had not arrived then.

The worst was yet to come: While i was waiting for my turn, my phone rang again. This time, it was the lady who had been bugging me for the past week. I told her that i was at the bank already and i'm waiting for my friend to arrive so that we could settle this. SHE WAS STILL ASKING ME HOW MUCH I WAS WILLING TO PAY!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THESE PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES!! i understand that loans have to be repayed. I also understand that loans that have been dragged on for so long need to really be chased after... But this? i think my blood pressure shot up so high that i might have gotten high blood pressure then. I told her that my friend will settle this when he comes and that I AM ALREADY IN THE BANK!! STOP BUGGING ME!!!!!! and i also let her know that i don't want her to call me ever again! So my friend arrived and we settled everything and then spent the next 2 hours at BK talking about the frustrations of staying in Singapore and the imbeciles that we've met...

Sigh... then found out from this friend i met today that actually those who "chase" after the people for repayment actually get paid on a commission basis so that probably explains the persistence... But still? i swore never to utilise their services ever again... NEVER!! YOU HEAR ME???

So yeah... That was the stupidest thing that has happened to me in recent month... yups, thanks for listening to me vent my frustrations... do share other similar experiences that you've had with banks or other financial institutes ok? hee...

And, btw, i am not crazy ok? just overwhelmed....

Prayer Request *Urgent*

If you've been reading or watching the news for the past few days, you would know that there has been a Singaporean family who had a car accident in US. I know the family who were from my previous church and i know that they are people who love God. Please do pray for them... I attach an email i got from one of the members in the family. Read and keep them in your prayers please...

Hi,

This is Dawn here (Margaret's daughter). My parents
are still in hospital. It has been very traumatic for
me as I was in the car witnessing everything that
happen, being conscious throughout before the hit, the
hit and after the hit..being overturned upside down
and trying to calm my dad and mum.

Dad was stuck in his seat belt bleeding
profusely..dangling down while mum kept asking where
she is..as she was thrown out of the car.

I had to calm them down and asked them to trust in God
n pray. Dad was bleeding whole face and wanted to get
up as he was dangling...I squeezed back into the car
through a small opening to help support dad's head and
shoulder..

When the doctor told me that his back of the neck has
been dislocated and all, I asked myself if it was my
fault.

I am glad Mum cannot remember what happened during the
accident as I wish I can forget. Now, when i close my
eyes, images of what happened keep coming into my
mind--the happy moments during our golf game. We were
actually heading out of the golf course to have pizza
buffet for lunch..sigh..and the panic moments when we
saw the train coming towards us and getting turned
over..

It all feel like a nightmare..

I know that God is in control and He def has a purpose
for this. I can see God's hand in it esp during the
prayer rally when my mum-in-law and sister-in-law
attended(who are non-Christians) and to see my
aunt(non-Christian) going to my parents place for a
prayer time tog as well.

It has always been my family's prayer that our
relatives and my husband's family be Christians..so, I
do pray that through this, they will know who God is
and His power..

Mum's leg is getting better but still hurts on her
right knee and she is very weak-vomiting and being
immobile, stuck in bed with bed sores.. Her eyes
cannot be opened as the doctor says she has chemical
burns from the burst air bag. Doctor is just applying
eye drops on her eyes. Pray she can open her eyes soon
and can gain sight.

Dad is still in critical condition relying on the
respiratory breathing equipment. His blood pressure
and heart rate is all good. His hands can also move
and have reaction. But up to now, his legs has not
moved. So, he may be paralysed from chest down. Pray
against it and that my dad will be a living miracle.

My dad has been faithful and has been unashamed of the
gospel by sharing with so many people about Christ. I
pray God will heal him so that my dad can share to
more peopl of God's goodness and mercy.

Many doctors n nurses here already say we are 'lucky'
to have survived this.. Feel blessed and I just pray
my parents will feel better and heal completely.

FOr myself, I have bruises on my left side..hand,
knees and arms..and it is swollen. So, the doctor just
gave me some pain killers and anti inflamatory med.
However, I seem to have some allergic reaction to it
and itching...so I have stopped eating. Pray that God
will heal my sores and my head and neck as I seemed to
have been hit on the head as well.

Pray also for my husband, Chee Tiong as he has been
busy taking care of me and my parents..driving me
around to and fro hospitals as my dad and mum stays in
diff hospitals..he seems exhausted.

My bro and pam will be coming soon and I do pray that
we will have strength and wisdom to take care of our
parents..

Do pass this update around and keep on praying esp for
my dad..

Thanks and God bless
Dawn

Church today, gone tomorrow...

My church had our members' forum today after service. I think it created quite a bit of discussion for the weeks to come but one thing that got me really concerned was the fact that the people could be discussing what to do in the future without actually knowing the direction that God is wanting for the church to go towards! It's like setting out to build a house without having a blueprint of the finished product. You wun wanna trust such a builder, would you?

Sigh... things have been going downwards for a really long time, something that i had not seen ever and it makes me sad that a church has to go through something like this. As many people shared today, i can hear that they identify with me as well... But i know that God is still sovereign. He is still in control and so now is the time to trust Him. I know that there is a purpose that God has for me in this church, or else He would have told me to leave long time ago. However, if things come to a point in which the church is still going to go around in circles, like what a member had compared us to the Israelites during the exodus, I might consider leaving. I need to grow in a church that is living! Or else, it might not be good for me spiritually. So yeah... will still pray and seek God and ask Him to soften the hearts of all members and speak to each of us, also for us to respond to Him and not run away or harden our hearts anymore.

During the forum, i was also reminded of how God pursued me. When He had something that He wanted me to do, He speaks to me through EVERYTHING!!! And i kid you not. It's like He would have the same message over and over and over again, week after week. Whatever i read from the bible, it's the same message. When i hear other's sharing, it's the same message. When i do my QT, it's the same message. HOW DO YOU FREAKING NOT HEAR AND DO WHAT HE SAYS?! Heh... but He does it coz i'm stubborn, cynical and contrary. He does it coz He knows i need to be convicted by what He says before i will do it. And He does it coz He loves me... I have never looked back and cursed God for doing it coz i see how the experience had blessed me and made me grow in the way that I have never imagined. The process is long-drawn and painful, but i know it's worth it coz i would have known that what God wants me to do and He would bring me through the proccess.

So, God is still good, God is still in charge, and GOD STILL SPEAKS! Be it in a mighty thundering storm or the gentle whispering of leaves on a tree, He communicates with us... But do we wanna hear what He says? There will come a time when our hearts will be so hardened that we can't hear him anymore. So heed and obey while you still are able to... dun wait...

What's your motive?

Recently, i was reminded of someone that i didn't really like. Let's call her X. Whenever X talks to someone, you know that she is wanting to ask that person to do something. The motive of her approaching you to talk to you spells trouble.

The good thing is, she doesn't force you to do what you don't want to do. However, i still dun like the fact that there's always a motive to talk to you. I prefer to talk to one because i want to create a relationship, a connection.

I think that's why i felt quite uncomfortable around X. That experience with her also lets me feel that she's seems to like to monopolize a conversation. I was talking to a friend at some event and she happens to be there too. So she came over and talked to me. Of course i turned to her to talk. However, my friend was not included in the conversation. So, i tried to include my friend but X didn't seem to comfortable and left us alone soon after.

Though i was puzzled, I didn't think much of it until i reviewed the situation again later and my conclusion was that she probably was only trying to get me "prepared" for her suggestion a few days later. We had been through a course together and X had wanted me to do a project together. I wasn't prepared and so i just laughed it off awkwardly and turned away. She must have felt quite upset with me coz she hasn't talked to me since...

Anyway, I think this is not just about X. I find this experience very familiar in the christian context nowadays too. My CG mate had shared that there are times when people had approached her to serve in certain ministries simply because she had that talent. They had not asked God! i was quite shocked, frankly, coz i always believed that when you want someone to serve in a christian context, you need to pray and asked God if that person is suitable. Just because that person is available and has the skills does not automatically mean that he/she was the one God wants to have in that ministry.

The worst thing is: I heard from another friend, Y, that he is considering serving in a particular ministry. When I asked him if he's prayed and asked God about this, he said no but he wanted to try. That got me worried and i asked him to consider it carefully and pray about it. No doubt, God is still sovereign in all situations, but if His people were to blatantly disregard him and just do what they want to do, doesn't that show something?

We have strayed so much from the way God wants us to walk in! A christian ministry is dead when the leaders do not pray and seek God for the right people to serve in it! We have taken the world's perspective that the able ones are the best people for the job! Oh Lord... We need You!! Come and speak to us and teach us to walk in Your way!

翔鹰 2005 之 那一夜...

我好想演戏啊！我的戏瘾又犯了。。。　怎么办？

A week ago, my CDS teacher from secondary school sent all alumni an email to invite us to the performance put up by my juniors and some of the alumni. Today, i got the tickets! So exciting... but it also brought up a whole series of memories...

I remember being brought to private chinese speech and drama classes when i was young. It was so fun! i liked all the lessons that we were put through and also the admiration i got from people when i recited passages in perfect chinese. My primary teachers always put me in chinese story-telling competitions as well as poem-recitation performances. However, i stopped going when i reached primary 5.

Then when i stepped into secondary school, this "talent" became somewhat common and i was no longer highly sought after... BUT, i joined the Chinese Drama Society and i met my old speech and drama teacher! It was there i had more opportunities to act and have fun. I guess i wasn't too talented as my drama teacher never really put me in lead roles. I was still content as i was able to act!

I was still quite active in my JC drama club but it was so pitiful! The number of members were less than 20! sigh...

Since then, i didn't really act anymore... There was an opportunity to act in a drama, but i turned it down as the drama was based in Buddhist principles so i wasn't really comfortable with it.

I really miss acting... so i grabbed at all sorts of opportunities to act, even if it was role-playing in groupwork! i'm desperate eh? heh.

i really miss acting, a whole lot...

on a sidenote, i went jogging around the reservoir today. I was dying when i was done... 4km!!! argh!!!! tired out....

Musical baton!

i got passed the musical baton from Adinahaes and so i'm gonna just do it!

Total Volume of Music files on my computer:
1.15 GB

The Last CD I bought was:
Budak Pantai - Budakumentary

Song playing right now:
N.A.

5 songs I listen to alot or that mean alot to me:

Stay by Lisa Loeb

Girl from Ipanema

你不在 by 王力宏

身边 by 无印良品

老土情歌 by 阿牛



5 people to whom I'm passing the baton:

p.s.
M
Xooplex
Emay
Yangster!

i've been missed!

i heard this sentence twice in these 2 days! it really made me feel happy that when i was away from the office, on course, people had missed me! and i also missed the office... awww.....

Reflective listening

Have you ever got the feeling that the person you've been talking to is not listening to you? That when all you need is a listening ear, they want to give you solutions?

I used to be the kind of person who doesn't really seem to listen, until i stepped into social work and things have not been quite the same since. For one, i'm doing lots more paraphrasing, summarizing, reflection of feelings and also asking good questions (open and closed, depending...). But i also realise that is when i share less, about what's going on in my life.

ok, of course i find it easier to share with my colleagues and other counselling-trained people coz they know all the different techniques and it never felt strange to be hearing all the skills, unless of course they were intentionally trying to be cheeky.

I had a quarrel with M last night over this. He asked me about what God had taught me that day and i was sharing that i felt like i was going to be a terrible parent and felt horrible... but him, being him, decided that i needed to be told what to do. So he started to want to tell me what i should do and by then, i was thoroughly upset.

I felt like i wasn't heard at all! yes, he did listen, or else he would never have been able to prescribe a solution for me... but.... it's like i wasn't even asking for it! i didn't need SOLUTIONS, i needed someone to just LISTEN! is that so hard?

There was a time when M said that i hardly ever shared what was going on in my life. I very much wanted to tear out my hair in frustration... It's not like i didn't WANT to share... it was just that i felt so put off to even want to share! So i end up talking more to my colleagues than any other person... sigh... i would like to share with my closest half what's going on in my life, but it's just frustrating to talk to someone who is trying to tell me what to do!

ok, i wun say that i'm the best at listening. I'm not. There are times when i lapse into solving other people's problems, especially those close to me. And when people tell me to stop talking and just listen, i do. I just dun understand why M cannot just listen first, then tell me later... or to even let me come to my own conclusions and solutions. Let me learn! i'm not a child who needs an adult to tell me what to do all the time; what i need is a friend who is on the same level to be able to hug me and just listen to what i am saying.

ok... this is not meant to humiliate him... i do love M and want to be with him, to share about things that's on my heart and mind. All i want is to ventilate a little, and just be heard...

is that alright?

Parenting Styles

Parentus sergeant-majorcus:
- Characterised by rules, penalties, barking & biting
- Not many reasons are given for the rules
- Children tend to be sneaky coz they know if they got caught, they'd be punished

Parentus jellyfishicus:
- No limits, no boundaries
- Very scared of losing children's affection
- Can turn into sergeant major when they get exasperated
- Children feel confused & smothered

Parentus too busycus/ Parentus absentcus:
- Not around, either physically or emotionally
- Children feel a sense of insecurity, mistrust & unloved
- Children tend to use bad behaviour to hijack parents' attention

Parentus Backbonicus:
- Parent-coach
- Strong, firm, but flexible
- Sets rules & boundaries
- Always a good reason behind the rules
- Allow for interruptions but will also set boundaries around those interruptions

Does any of the above sound familiar to you? Seen them somewhere? heh... i have... Oh God, i need help with this!

New battery!!

heh... just a short update:

discovered that my iBook battery is eligible for an exchange due to the manufacturer's fault... It has so far bombed 6 different iBooks over the world and so Apple is recalling them back in case they destroy more of these precious machines... Heh.

NEW BATTERY FOR MY IBOOK!!!!! YAAAY!!!!!



p/s: good thing it didn't explode in my iBook.... i would have killed whoever created the battery...

p/p/s: on second thots, i might get a new iBook with Mac OS X Tiger pre-installed in it!! hmmm....

When was the last time?

When was the last time you praised your mother's cooking?

When was the last time you thanked your grandmother for folding the clothes and keeping them in the right places where you could find them?

When was the last time you gave your younger sister a hug for sharing what's going on in her life with you?

When was the last time you laughed with your grandfather over some joke or funny television programme?

When was the last time you talked to your dad about what's going on in the world?

When was the last time you thanked your brother for simply being there for the family when you weren't?















When was the last time you touched the lives of those closest to your heart?

Pain! Klutz...

today, i was at Cineleisure, trying to find a pair of cheap casual shoes for the jeans and skirts. Went into this shop and took off my track shoes to try out some of the merchandise available. There were these 2 young ladies looking at shoes on a rack and i was behind them, trying to see past them, while avoiding their path. Then, a salesgirl came and in the process of assisting them, stepped on my toe with her heels...

a stab of pain rushed through my toe upwards... i was trying hard not to make a big fuss but it was too damn painful... sh*t.... i took a glance at my toe and it didn't look like it had fractured or anything, but at that moment, it was really very painful lor... The salesgirl frantically apologised and i was trying very hard to reassure her that i was ok and had a high threshold for pain (which had to be true considering the kinds of accidents i go through on a regular basis... =P). So i continued my browsing and the pain slowly ebbed away... but the girl was still very upset about it and apologised to me for 2 or 3 more times, even giving me a paper bag (which she whispered, cost $1!!) instead of an ordinary old plastic bag to carry my shoes! heh... of course, being the true blue Singaporean, i had to tell her, "wah! then you wanna step on my toes for a few more times?"

But anyway, this incident made me really wonder... How many apologies for a perfectly innocent accident is truly enough?

I unintentionally offended someone last December. The worst thing is, i didn't even know what she was so upset with until recently, someone let me into the loop. Perhaps she thought i betrayed her trust about some issues, or that i had cornered her into something, i dunno... But, trust me, i dun think i had done anything wrong, but i guess everyone's perceptions differs, right? Even when i tried to ask her if there was anything wrong, she brushed it off and said nothing. Ok, maybe she truly forgot about it (as she said she did), but there was this nagging feeling that she had not due to the way she was treating me... It was just different from the times before the incident...

Oh well... i've tried asking her for her forgiveness and tried to keep the communication channels as open as possible but it dun seem to be working very well... i can't keep on apologising for something that the other person has denied being angry about right? But it brings me to this question - Am i an insensitive(or clumsy) person?

I mean, i admit that i have my moments at being klutzy (like spilling half of my barley drink onto myself, causing me to smell like barley; or the time when i dropped off the bus, right into the canal, causing myself to have a scar as big as an MD on my leg... yeah, me the KLUTZ!), but i never thot of myself as someone who would hurt another person intentionally... (ok, it excludes my immediate family, but that's a totally different story all together...)

So yeah! what to do when someone doesn't tell you how they are feeling or thinking? can anyone tell me this?

Humility

Hmm... today's bible study was about humility. When i started preparing for it, i still though of myself as a pretty humble person. However, some of the questions for self-reflection got me thinking... (I think, therefore I am! - hey hey!! i am an intellectual person!! *oops!* humility, my foot...)

The questions that poked me right between my eyes were:

1) How often do I say, "Please forgive me, I was wrong"

2) Would those close to me consider a humble person?

3) Am i critical of others?

4) Do i resent people who give me criticism, regardless of their motives for doing so?

5) Am I a confident person because I am a humble person?

OOWWWW!!!! Can you feel the pain?

Sigh.... I don't think I've done the 1st question enuf, answer to 2) would be NOPE!, i am super critical of those who happen to be doing something that i have expertise in (E.g. chinese), i hate people, especially those close to me, to tell me what i did wrong, and the last? that's a no-brainer...

I think God was too good to me... He gave me gifts & talents of singing, acting, language, counselling, positive thinking(ha!), understanding His Word, and many others! He gave me good grades and among other stuff, M! maybe it's His fault for my lack of humility....

Wait a minute~

Aren't those gifts & talents His? Then does that mean He can take them away anytime He wants to!

THEY ARE NOT MINE!!

Ok... think i need to change my mindset... I have to remember that they are all His! He is lending them to me so that i might be able to invest them and get many times more so that i could glorify Him! ah... *bulb lights up*

I remembered the last time I quarelled with M, I called him an "asshole". He got really angry and wanted me to aplogise. I refused even though i knew that name-calling was wrong. I was proud and didn't wanna admit my mistake...

The day before, i hit my sister even though i knew i didn't have a right to command her to sleep simply because i was angry with her. I have not apologised to her even up to now... How to do that? very paiseh leh...

But i am reminded in Proverbs 11:2 that "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

When i was a young christian, I asked God for wisdom. I didn't want to be seen as a fool...

I want to be humble! Oh God, help me!

mopiko!

i've been itching like heow for the past few days... It started out innocently enough on my neck, just one small bite... then it seemed to spread like wildfire! i now have 2 "sites" on my neck, 1 on my arm, 1 on each armpit, 2 on my back, 1 on each leg, 3 on my b**bs, 3 where no one has gone to... and that makes it a grand total of.......

*drum roll*

....... 16 bites!!

SH*T!!!!!!

i hate mosquitoes or whatever insects that did this... it's so strange coz the last time i was at a church where mosquitoes were supposed to be rampant, i got away with only 2 small bites, even without the help of mosquito patches and wearing a halter neck gown as i was the bridesmaid for my good fren's wedding... I was gloating away coz some others who HAD the mosquito patches still got bitten in the end. So i thot mayb i was immune to such things... but no, i was wrong. sigh... i hate mosquitoes...

Do you think i could get an MC for this?

Dirty old man & more

i think i'm getting the hang of this blog thingy... heh...

anyway, this post is about a time when i was at a shopping centre in the east. i was on the way to buy something when i saw this old man sitting beside a middle-aged woman. Suddenly, the old man reached out and touched the side of the woman's breast! I think the expression of disgust on my face must have been glimpsed by the woman and she exclaimed in a semi-loud whisper (strange as it might sound...), "Aiyo! you so daring ah? do this in public!" She must have known him or else her reaction might not be this... heh...

So i just went off and bought my stuff, in time to see them leave the bench and walked towards the escalator. They weren't holding hands but were walking quite close beside one another. Then i saw the woman strolling casually into the jewellery shop located on the next level. sigh... i think you can imagine what was going on...

I am seriously disgusted by such people who are so led by their basic instincts. ok, i know my blog name talks about Freud, who was one of the first people to talk of basic instincts leading their lives. But i didn't particularly like Freud even when i was doing my basic psychology class, thought it was too "radical" and "open"... But i was slowly accepting the fact that in a sense we are very much acting according to how our basic instincts dictate us, though not always...

I remembered that there was a time when i took leave to go out with M and as we were going to celebrate his birthday, i decided to skip breakfast so that i could enjoy the lunch with him without feeling like i'm sinning. (which a lot of people can identify with, i'm sure...) So we were meeting at 1pm. Then when i reached the meeting place, he told me that he was gonna be late for half an hour. So i decided to wait some more even after i was really starving by then; didn't wanna spoil my appetite, you see... but he only reached at near 2pm! Argh!!!

By then, i was damned pissed off... Then he arrived, apologised, and we went into the restaurant. I took this pill that was supposed to be taken 20 mins in advance but the food came really quickly. I couldn't take it anymore! i decided to take the soup after some debate internally... Guess what? M had to say, "But you're supposed to wait 20 mins!"

Wrong move.

I blew my top, screamed at him for being a big asshole and rushed off to the loo to prevent myself from crying and making a fool of myself...

Needless to say, the day was ruined... sigh... the things our basic instinct do to our lives...

Oh well, but the Bible also said that one of the fruit of the Spirit is SELF-CONTROL! Shucks... I suck at that... well, have to practise then... heh....

Job Search

I was checking my hotmail today and found a job vacancy at Louis Vutton/Hennessy. since M was looking for a job, i emailed him and told him to go for the job! so i could have all the LV bags i want and drink all the hennessy liquor i want! heh... not like i liked wine anyway.

Talking abt Henessy reminds me of the first time i drank anything with alcohol content...

It was my Sec 2 chalet and someone had bought champagne... ok, i know we were all waaaay below the legal age for dinking but we were young and reckless... heh... so we were passing it around and i tried 1 sip... it tasted horrible!!! but being the first time, i got quite mabok... and my whole face turned red! but it also gave me the permission to lean against the guy that i was having a crush on! hee.... but thank God that he wasn't really interested in me and too much of a gentleman to shove me off him. heh. ok, more on the experiences with liquor next time~

i succumbed...

Sigh... hate this but yes, i've succumbed... I liked reading other people's blog and was wondering if i should also have one... but i always rationalised that i shouldn't coz i dun think i would keep up with it anyway with my *broad* social circle... heh.... ok but i digress... this blog is basically something that i wanna write my thots and feelings in... so it's ok if you dun agree, i dun even mind... but just dun scold me for wat i believe in la... okok? Done! created my first blog entry! heh....