Programming blues

In my line of work, there are 2 components. Firstly is programmes, the other is casework & counselling.

I am designated to be part of the casework & counselling team, which is fine and good since I am a social worker by training. However, my heart is in programmes. I get a buzz out of doing programmes. I know what to do when programmes are run. I see my programme team colleagues do their stuff and I would just be gravitating towards them...

I know you might wonder why I didn't ask to transfer to the programme team then. The answer is because my supervisor did not allow me to. He said that I should learn to do what I have been trained in.

I was busy helping out the programme team today. I did not see any clients, I did not do any paper work, I did not do anything I promised myself to have done. I am such a big idiot!! Sigh...

I have asked my colleague to stop me from helping her with programmes the next time... I will also need self-control... God help me!!!

Economies of Scale

I went for course on Wednesday to find a shred of memory being recalled. Mind you, there was nothing that I could have thought would stir me up in this particular course as it was on suicide intervention. However, I just had to meet my JC economics tutor there...

I remember resolving to be the most piah student in JC because:
a) The JC that i wanted to go to refused to let me in though I think i satisfied their criteria,
b) I wanted to study Psychology in NUS so i better work hard,
c) I dunno... maybe i wanted to re-create the joy i felt when i got my "O" Level results...

So anyway, to cut the long story short, I was the super piah student in my class and so in my "piahness", I went to do up my own notes for Economics because:
a) I wanted to be piah,
b) I realised from "O" Levels that I remembered better when i wrote my own notes,
c) It was a subject I knew close to nothing about.

This Econs tutor was known for his high standards of teachings as many in his class during the first 3 months would know. So in one of the first few classes while he was asking us some questions, I surreptiously took out my home-made notes to try to find the answer... I was caught of course and while he perused my notes, I was thinking of all the worst case scenarios (e.g. pointing out the wrong theories that I've copied down and then lecturing me about it, etc). However, he smiled and told me to just keep it up.

From that day on, I was treated as the owl in class: the teacher's pet who supposedly knows it all. Any questions my classmates had no answer to, I had to answer them. And if on any occasion I were to say i have no idea, he would shake his head sadly and say, "Even *** dunno..." and proceed to give us a lecture of how to answer that question. You have no idea how many times I had to smoke out some answers and luckily, they were also correct, though not necessarily the one he wanted...

He even made me go to another tutor's class to teach them how to do MCQ when I only passed that test with a few marks only... So humiliating! It didn't help that I knew people in that class... I just felt like digging a hole and jumping in!

Yups, my class had to be on our toes whenever econs tutorial came round coz there were so many impossibly difficult questions to answer. It was a miracle that none of us suffered from a nervous breakdown then...

So, anyway, the chance encounter on Wednesday brought me down memory lane and it also kind of made everything go full circle... Coz he said this to me when I asked him what he was doing at such a course: "I'm no longer so strict with my class nowadays, have to be more gentle with them." Heh... I guess he recognised that he was really a slave driver then... The reply I gave him was: "Well, you were just trying to do your best to teach us ma..."

And it was true.

I was appreciative of the hard work he made us do as that brought me to understand that I reap what I sow. My friendships with people suffered when in JC. I was so focused on getting good results that I almost let my friendships just fade away.

Yups, I understood that results were not everything. So I spent more time with people in University and that really made me feel so much more alive. It also helped me to see that commerce subjects were just not my cup of tea. So... yeah...

To see red

In anticipation of PMS?



I hate PMS and what it brings.

I become a snivelling, irritable, emotional and woozy woman when the time of the month is about to come.

I also bloat beyond recognition and feel like a pig.

I know it's a natural cleaning process but still, I feel like shit...

It's all Eve's fault...

Ok, I know I'm being irritating now...

But one thing is a fact:

Despite all these, I am still beautifully and wonderfully made!!

Bus-y Fantasies

Part I

Just sat down on the bus today and discovered that the person sitting directly opposite me had bought a Sony Ericsson W800I!!! I was like salivating there, and ridiculous thoughts just flashed through my mind:
1)What if I were to snatch his phone, alight, and then run off? If I succeed, I would probably have to buy the charger, cables and stuff...
2)Maybe he paid for the phone using his credit card and paying the minimum sum monthly... Aiyo... He's getting himself more and more in debt...
3)He seems to be unattached... If he has a girlfriend, I think he'd go and buy it together with her. And he also wouldn't have this kind of money to waste on super duper expensive phones right?
4)He's transferring data from his Sony Ericsson T630 to the W800I... Maybe he has remained with the old phone for 2 years and since he can sign a new contract, he might as well just get a good phone?

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...



Part II

This woman sitting diagonally opposite me was holding on to a counter, the kind where one can just press on a clicker and it would keep track of the number of times something was done. Her eyes were closed and she would be clicking quite quickly...

Hypothesis:
1)She could be counting her heartbeats? Can't be... The clicks are not regular and there doesn't seem to be a time limit to her clicking...
2)She might be doing some survey? Like number of people who nodded to the movement of the bus? Hmmm... Doesn't seem like it... Her eyes are closed...
3)Wait! I see her mouth moving ever so imperceptibly... There's a pattern to it... I know!! She's chanting!!! Maybe her religion requires her to chant a number of times...

What a sense of accomplishment!!


P.S.: i just found another person who has not read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!!! These people don't have a life...

P.P.S.: Of course, since I'm generating such idiotic posts, I also don't seem to have a life right? Heh...

P.P.P.S.: Erm... I've come to a conclusion that I should be contented with my Samsung E330C until I really got the spare cash and also the end of my phone contract before I change my phone...

I lurve my iBook!!

I was doing some stuff at MacDonald's with my iBook when 3 teenagers came and sat at the table near mine. I was listening to my iPod Mini so could not really catch what they were talking about. However, from the admiring looks they were casting at my beloved, I couldn't help but just give them a half-smile.

I hope they don't think I'm interested in them though...

Movie Review: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Ok, for all who have not seen the movie and do not want to have their perceptions skewed by mine, please do not read on...









I was highly excited when M said that we were going to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. However, I came out less excited...

Think it was a generally well-done movie, with all the special effects and music and stuff. Tim Burton managed to keep as close to the original book as possible. The pace of the movie was somewhat draggy at times and the "accidentalism"(if there is such a word) of the 4 children's actions in the book is suggested as something that had been pre-planned in the movie. However, I love the Oompa Loompas!!! They were fantastic. I liked the way the director used a mixture of music genres to feature the hysterically funny rhymes that the Oompa Loompa's came up with. The set was also as close to the mental picture I had as I was reading the book and at times, even more than I could ever imagine! The fantastic, the whimsical, the wonderful and the unbelievable becomes real here... In general, the movie was entertaining, to say the least.

However, as a reader of the original book and having my own conceptions about the tone of the story, the movie's depressing and even somewhat macabre undertones made me shudder. Roald Dahl never explained why Willy Wonka was the way he was, which most children's books that I have read adhere by. I mean, Enid Blyton didn't have to explain why Moonface("The Faraway Tree") had his character right? So for Tim Burton to portray Willy Wonka as a man who was just longing for some family love just did not cut it with me. I wish Burton had continued with the whimsical part for that bit there...

Also, the ending was just a tad too forced for me... Seriously. You'd know what I mean when you see it. Besides, the ending just kills the opportunity of a sequel: "Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator"! Oh well... But I guess they would find some way to if they really wanted to...

Oh. To add on, one redeeming factor of the movie was Johnny Depp. M was just commenting to me that he's got great acting talent, in the sense that he is what he is portrayed to be! And I totally agree with him... Depp was fantastic as Willy Wonka... Wow... I would like to have that kind of a gift...

Yeah, so if I were to rate this interpretation of this great children's masterpiece, I would give it a 3.75 out of 5.

P.S.:I discovered 2 persons who had never read "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" before!! My goodness... What a loss in their childhood!

Busy busy busy

I've been really busy these few days, going home late at night and waking up early to go to work. It's been really tiring and things are just not going in the pace I would like it to go. There are phone calls I don't dare to make, readings that are barely touched, case recordings that need to be written, and meetings that are yet to be. How long more can I last? It doesn't help that my other colleagues are also facing the same issues and for a few, more. I get quite affected by their mood and would like top help support them but sometimes it's just hard and sometimes, the very best thing I can do is to leave them alone till they're done.

Oh. Btw, I changed my seating position in the office! Now I have a window view and the best part is: I don't fall asleep so easily now! Maybe it's because the air behind is always quite warm and conducive for sleeping. Nowadays whenever I feel tired, I just stare out of my window and that really freshens me up for the next task.

The course that I've been attending for the past few weeks has been great! It's like an integrative hands-on course for what I have learnt in university and I know how to use them! *Finally...* However, it's going to be really tedious to use it for all my cases as the process of going through this will take a really long time!

Ok, I think most of you would have no idea what I'm talking about so far but I think I'm doing this to journal what I've been going through and internalising what has been going on so that I don't have my brain all full of information but not knowing how to use them coz I don't really understand them. Heh... Yups, rubbish. =)

But anyway, I think the change in seating position might also be God's way to train me to be more patient and to keep watch over my tongue... Some people are just trying their damn hardest to be irritating!!! Well, I have resolved: They can be sour about things and try to affect me, but I will not be irritated! They can say nasty nasty things about others but I know that their hearts will be affected as well. They can saunter here, there and everywhere but I have my window view and shall not be disturbed... So yeah! God shall be my peace and He shall judge. I am nothing without him!

I slogged all week just for last night.... Karaoke was fantastic!! I went there with a few friends and it was just fun! Although some of them weren't really keen on going coz they don't really sing but I think they enjoyed themselves so I think that's the most important thing! Me and Xooplex sang 无言的结局 and made the others flip with laughter. Heh... I think it's more fun this way... Yeah, and there were other songs la... Like F, she likes all the 张信哲 songs and we had 5 at one shot!! Overkill.... Heh... Anyway, hope there can be more of such outings!!

Yups. Finished updating my life... Heh... Think I just had word diarrhea...

I'm sorry...

Dear Adinahaes,

I'm sorry for not meeting up with you while you were back... We did attempt to meet up but it was a series of mishaps that caused the lack of opportunity to meet up. Sigh... I'm sorry that we weren't able to catch up and now you have to be stuck in Australia for the whole year! Well, no matter what, do study hard and I'll be here if you need someone to talk to ok? Take care dear...

In God's Love,
Blubbering Nonsense

Sudden bouts of sadness

Have you ever woken up early in the morning and saw your elderly grandmother or mother preparing water, drinks and breakfast? I did so this morning and felt such a huge surge of sadness because I just could not help but have a mental image of my grandma lying in a coffin, gone. I couldn't help but start crying, coz I can't imagine something like this!

Just last Friday, while on course, the instructor was talking about a primary attachment figure that everyone will have. I thought hard for a while and the first person to come to my mind was my grandma!

I think it's the after-effects of the scare that I got last week when I received news that my grandma had fallen at the bus-stop near my house while she was about to go home. It was so scary since I had no idea what happened and my mother told me not to rush back. It was many hours later that I knew she was ok, just had to have lots of stitches on her chin. Good thing she's ok and that there were a few neighbours around who helped her up and all...

Thank God she's ok... I just went to take out the stitches with her just now. To hear her suddenly suck in air coz of the pain really made my knees go weak... Can't imagine how I'd be if she were to be really gone... Must pray for her so that I may see her in heaven eternally!

Moments of irritation

I really hate it when M tells me that I cannot buy something that I feel is a good buy. I saw this pair of pants from Mango that looks great on me. However, the colour is quite unconventional... It's those kind of blue that's really bright. But it does look nice! And it costs only $29!!! I mean, how cheap can that be? Ok, granted I got a pair of white pants from Topshop just the night before but that's not the point!! With my huge bum, it's so difficult to get good pants!! Argh!! I really really hate him now...

How does it feel...

When someone, who is not very nice, makes a comment which sounds innocent but does not seem to be so?

Lounge

My new home will have this... I miss having the time to laze around and read. I feel so deprived! Other than this, the room will be filled with bookshelves and it must have a great hi-fi system inside. Yups! it's gonna be mine, all mine!! Though I do have this nagging feeling that I would have to pack it ever so often... Or else, I think M will hit the roof! hee...

The Power of the Word

Ever had the experience with the words of a friend had hurt you so much even though they didn't mean to? You know she might not have meant it that way but it's still painful? And you can't really tell her that she's hurt you because no matter how you explain it, she's never get it?

Sigh...

Sunday's sermon was about the power of God's word. How God has spoken the world into existence. Also, how we can use God's word to pray prophecies, blessings, healing, and many other things.

I think words are very powerful. They can make or break a person. Guess that's why M never liked me calling him names and all. Well, really appreciate him teaching me things like this so that I can learn to love without using destructive words.

Thank you M!

At random.

It was the first time for the 5 year-old.

Hey! That was the place for the birthday party that kor kor was in! Mummy is saying something. Oh. I have to go into the class? Ok. Go home mummy... You have many other things to do. I will be ok. No, you don't need to be here. Just go home!

The room smells nice. But many children were crying... Why are they crying? Are they scared? Hey! Why are you crying? Don't cry. I'm not crying... Oh dear, I'm feeling a little scared myself. But I'm a big girl now! The nice lady in front is talking. What is she saying?

Ok, I better sit down.

Me? Leader? Ok! Give out the papers and the pencils. Collect the papers and the pencils.

*To be continued...*

Book Review - Wenny Has Wings by Janet Lee Carey

I was at Sans Bookshop today during the lunch break of my course when I saw this book entitled "Wenny Has Wings". I started reading it and just could not put it down.

It's about a pair of siblings who had gotten into an accident. The boy's sister, Wenny, died while he, Will, survived the accident. The whole book was a compilation of letters that he wrote.

The letters are like a travelogue, which details the journey of grief that the family went through. I couldn't help but feel my eyes brimming with tears that just came while also smiling at the different antics that Will got into.

Its simplicity of language, coming from the perspective of an 11 year old, pulled at my heart strings in unimaginable ways. Do take a read if you come across the book.

Bloggers.SG!!

Sucky Life

Suckiness in life is:

Not being able to attend your good friend's wedding;

Being left out of something fun that others are involved in;

Not being allowed to do what you are good at doing;

When you're made to feel second class or less than worthy;

Getting sick when you have to meet up with a friend you have not seen for a long time;

Staying home when you long to go out;

Losing money playing mahjong when you're already broke (or rather, you're not supposed to be gambling in the first place...);

Being cheated of your money by the girlfriend of your cousin (who fell out of love soon after...);

When you made a mistake that made you look bad/stupid in front of others;

Buying a mobile phone after months of waiting only to find a newer model coming out in 1 week's time;

Not being able to act in a play when you are really really wanting to do that;

When you're not invited to go to a chalet that your boyfriend is going to.

Mid-life crisis?

My dad asked me a weird question today.

We were watching a show where the female lead was upset with her dad for favoring males and thinking that all women have to do is to stay at home and give birth to babies. So they had this super big argument and the female lead dashed out.

So my dad then asked: "I'm not like that right?"

I was quite stunned... My dad doesn't ask such personal stuff... He normally answers our questions with grunts of assent or dissent. He also does not initiate conversations so this question came as a shock to me.

My response was, "Huh?"

So he pointed to the tv and repeated the question again. So I actually told him, "No. In fact I think you prefer daughters."

Then my sister butted in and they started to banter. Which left me thinking about this incident... I think if my sister didn't come in then, we would have been quite awkward. Also, what's making my dad so different? He's changing...

Only reason I can think of is mid-life crisis, where he is thinking of rescuing flagging relationships with his children. Well, he has been really chummy with my sister and I must say that I am quite jealous of the easy way they can talk and banter. But I guess he's slowing down and thinking of what is more important so that's good... Better late than never right? Heh...

Ok, I gotta go. I have 2 reports to write before tomorrow and I'm also tired... Just wanted to pen this down. Might analyse this another time.

Anybody wanna give your interpretation of this episode?

Several minutes too early...

Sigh... these few days have been wierd. Clients call us at the most awkward times. It's like they always call when I'm about to go home and rest. Yesterday was a client who wanted to commit suicide coz someone insulted her. I had to make an emergency home visit and the funny thing was that she resolved the issue herself.

Another client was upset that we didn't give her money and threatened suicide. So the team had to call the relevant authorities. Well, there'd be more follow-up to be done and I think it's gonna be stressful for everyone in the office.

Really need to pray for unity and strength to support one another in the office!

Well, God has been good and He has been encouraging the various people in the centre saying that we're at the centre of His will and that we are to be courageous. (Joshua 1) Yups, do pray for us. There'll be more tsunami-like waves to come...

I'm sick

Heh... I've been enjoying my iPod mini and also trying to find a different blogskin for this. It doesn't help that i've been sick. Was on MC for 3 days last week. Really bad sore throat with on-off fever is enough to make me feel like shit.

I think I've eaten more panadols last week than any other periods of sickness all added together. I kept getting this woozy feeling, like as if i wasn't there. Also, my head was throbbing like hell... So i was popping 2 pills at a time.

I have also resorted to drinking pipa gao every 10 minutes to try to moisturise my throat. It's been 8 days but thank God, my throat is now getting better. Was telling Xooplex that i think i'd rather have a racking cough than to have sore throat. It's terrible! Especially when I cringe in pain whenever I have to swallow anything. Sigh...

So anyway, was having some misunderstanding with a friend last week. I know that I was probably asking for it... Coz I can be very nosy and meddlesome so I guess it can get on some people's nerves.

My friend, F, was talking to another friend about something and i poked my nose in the conversation. So she said jokingly, "It's not your business leh!" I know she was joking but I couldn't help being upset coz I was trying to be helpful. And in her joking tone, I could also hear that she was kinda serious in meaning it. So yeah... painful.

Then later, F was talking about something and I asked her a question. She got quite upset as she didn't really wanna talk about that topic. I was just super confused lor... The question i asked was not very intrusive, but after some analysis with another friend, C, I probably didn't phrase my question properly. So anyway, we managed to clear the misunderstanding through email.

But I guess one thing i learnt was that I should not be so nosy in the future. So just do my own things and don't talk so much lor. That's why the bible says that we should be careful with our tongue. God gives us 2 ears and 1 mouth. For us to listen more and to talk less... Must learn! Bite my tongue if I have to!

Oh! On a more positive note, M, his colleague and I went to watch Mr & Mrs Smith yesterday! Brad Pitt looks so good in the show! Also, the on screen chemistry between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is absolutely sizzling! I mean, I was really wondering if the rumour that the divorce between Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston was caused by her. But I guess we would never know right?